Why Life Begins @ 50

Looking back to when I was 30 years old, it was like I was living this ongoing, shitty game of musical chairs. Things felt out of control and I wasn’t taking responsibility for it. As the music kept figuratively stopping, my rear-end didn’t seem rooted in any seat of the most important areas of life.

Perhaps rightfully so...as underneath I was wearing the grief of my mother’s fatal heroin overdose just a couple years prior.

And more than that, I was quietly struggling to understand the decades of disconnection that separated me from the person I knew I could be.

All the books I’ve read, all the workshops I attended, and all the therapy I’ve consumed only in recent years, which have taught me how to access a happier, more meaningful life, were the furthest thing from my mindset back then.

Back then, I could write the book on how to stay stuck and I was doing a great job hiding the pain.

Back then, I felt broken.

Tony Robbins talks about that we all have an ‘emotional home’, which is the habitual emotions we retreat to or said another way, how we are conditioned. And we all have a tendency to come back to our conditioning.

Back then, my conditioning was a steady state of Disappointment, and I always found a way back to my emotional home– being disappointed with myself.

But it was during this season, that I realized, am I struggling? Yes. But, do I have to continue to suffer through my emotional state and stay stuck? No.

Suffering through life in disappointment was a choice. It was that moment, I decided that I was not consciously going to go back home to disappointment.

I decided to get to work and start excavating.

That was a turning point for me– and everything was about to change for the better.

Setting boundaries on toxic friend and family relationships that were holding me back and understanding the habitual emotions that were driving me is not for the faint of heart!

But this period of time was so impactful in positively changing the trajectory of my life.

And when I turned 40, an interesting thing happened...

I began to feel blessed.

What I noticed evolving for me, as Gary Zukav suggests, is that the notion of being blessed was actually the passageway guiding me toward my life's purpose– to be a transitional character in my family's lineage.

I'm excited to enter my 50s, as getting older brings sage wisdom.

Doing the hard work, breaking cycles, and dissolving the generational trauma must continue for me.

As a father of two young boys, soon to be 10 and 8, I must continue to face my emotional flames, so perhaps they won't have to experience the disconnection in the way I have.

As I turn 50 this June, I remind myself to let go of the past, continue to do the work, so I can focus on who I will become. 

Experiencing the @meawisdom workshop, cherishing time with my favorite people, and realizing my becoming would no doubt be a life-changing birthday present!

My deep gratitude to you Chip Conley…just for the invitation to capture my thoughts this way, and for the opportunity to be granted this special wish. :)